Eamon Lynch

  Home   Work   Who He?    


Humbled by Pride

Ireland on Sunday, April 8, 2001

 For eight years, every time Bill Clinton dropped his pants, out popped another soldier in America's legion of decency, the curtain-twitchers and finger-pointers who stand ever-ready to hurl the Bible at sinners.

 Those of us with soiled souls have had to bide our time waiting for the high and mighty to tumble from their pulpits. Our day has come this week with the most gratifying demise of a gospel-chucker since televangelist Jimmy Swaggart was busted for ministering to a hooker.

 Television executives finally cancelled Dr Laura, the noxious show hosted by the Mother Superior of America's so-called moral majority, Dr Laura Schlessinger.

 Schlessinger – who doesn't actually have a medical doctorate – rose to fame hosting a radio advice show on which callers are routinely berated as moral degenerates and subjected to a biblical barrage of "tough love".

 The radio show is heard on more than 400 stations and draws an audience estimated at 18 million. The tube version of Dr Laura was expected to draw similar numbers when it debuted last September. Instead, its ratings sank faster than the stock market.

 That just might have something to do with the fact that Schlessinger is a homophobic bigot who describes gays as "deviants" and "biological errors".

 Gay groups waged a highly effective campaign against Dr Laura, persuading corporations not to buy commercial time on the show. Within weeks, it was consigned to graveyard time slots after midnight. Clearly spurred by low ratings, Schlessinger said that while she speaks as a staunch Orthodox Jew, she was sorry that gays were offended by her "poorly chosen" words. It was a mea culpa without the mea.

Another lover told Vanity Fair magazine that his pet name for her was KKK because "she was a demon between the sheets."


 While Schlessinger hid her bigotry behind a fig leaf of religion, a theology scholar wrote her an open letter asking for guidance in dealing with other biblical strictures that could be troubling in this day and age.

 For example, what is a fair price when selling one's daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus (21:7)? Should we still smite farmers who plant two different crops in the same field (Leviticus 19:19)? How should we put to death shelf-stackers who work on the Sabbath, as demanded in Exodus (35:2)? And is it still permissible to own slaves (Leviticus 25:44) but an abomination to eat shellfish (Leviticus 1:10)?

 The usually talkative host has been uncharacteristically silent on these matters.

 Several years ago, nude photos of Schlessinger taken by a former lover were posted on the internet. Another lover told Vanity Fair magazine that his pet name for her was KKK because "she was a demon between the sheets" – just the sort of slatternly behaviour the good doctor denounces in others.

 "Having once lived in a way that one now disavows on moral and ethical grounds does not make one a hypocrite," Schlessinger said when her past was revealed. "It makes one a teacher."

 Actually it makes her a perfect Christian, according to the 19th century humorist, Ambrose Bierce. A Christian, he noted, is one who thinks the Bible is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour.




Find Authors

Created by The Authors Guild

A note for users of older versions of Internet Explorer, Netscape, or AOL:
This site will look a lot better in a newer browser. Download one for free!
Internet Explorer: Windows Mac   |   Netscape: Windows Mac Other
For AOL users, please choose Internet Explorer above.